


The Adventures Of Utica's Birkenstocks

by orphan_account



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/F, Hair Salon, Minimum Wage, Shopping Malls, birkenstocks, nail salon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29392251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Utica had always yearned to own a pair of neon pink Birkenstocks ever since she saw them at the mall (where she was getting gadgets from the As Seen On TV Store). With the help of her girlfriend Joey Jay, will she be able to muster up enough courage and money to get her hands on them?
Relationships: Aquaria/Miz Cracker, Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Utica Queen/Joey Jay
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	The Adventures Of Utica's Birkenstocks

**Author's Note:**

> based on my username <3

“Joeyyy, time to wake up sleepy head!” Utica vigorously shook Joey until she awoke from her slumber. 

“Huh? What? What happened?” Utica giggled as Joey wiped the slobber off her chin and farted. She was so cute!

"We're going to the outlets today, remember?" Joey stared at Utica blankly with her mouth agape.

"The discount mall? We're going there today!" Jose blew her nose in her hand and wiped the snot on Utica's Disney princesses tank top.

"Oh, oh yeah." Utica was already ready so she waited for Joey to get ready, which didn't take long thankfully. Utica couldn't wait to go shopping! She had her eye on Dump Cakes and Squishy Baff. They hopped in Utica's 1980 Pinto and drove to the outlets, blaring Christian dubstep on the way. When they got there, Utica parked and the pair got out and walked inside the outlet mall.

"Joey look, there it is!" Utica jumped up and down and excitedly screamed like a 4 year old. She took Joey's dry hand and led him into the store, and Utica had an orgasm just by looking at everything.

"Whew, that was intense!" She said with a dorky laugh and Joey rolled her eyes.

"OHMYGOSHLOOKTHEREHTEYARE!" Utica squealed and ran over to the Dump Cakes and Squishy Baff. She grabbed two each and walked up to the cash register. Vanjie the shortie was on her phone and Utica cleared her throat in a wacky fashion.

"Um, excuse me?" Vanjie didn't look up and Utica rang the little bell.

"Um, exuse-"

"YO SERVICE! SERVICE!" Joey ran up and rang the bell like an absolute mad lad and shorty mc short pants finally looked up.

"What y'all want." Utica giddily smiled and placed her items on the counter.

"Just these, please." Vanjie sucked on her teeth with an attitude and rang them up.

"That finna be fitty fo." Utica handed Vanjie her sparkly My Little Pony credit card and all of a sudden, Brooke Lynn Hytes the Canadian walked in!

"Oh sorry, Vanjie are you off work yet, eh?" Vanjie aggressively swiped Utica's card and huffed out a breath.

"What the fuck it luh like bish." 

"Oh yeah, sorry. Meet me at Wetzel Pretzel once you get off, eh." Vanjie rolled her eyes and Brooke left, the smell of Canadian bacon dissipating. She handed Utica her card back and Utica thanked her before walking back out into the mall.

"I can't believe it Joey, I finally got my treasured items! Sure we won't be able to make rent but it's worth it!" Utica and Joey lived in a workshop behind Silky Nutmeg Ganache's house. They were walking past Nordstrom Rack and-

"Oh my goodness. Oh my DING. DANG. GOODNESS." Utica ran over to the shoe section and looked at a pair of bright pink Birkenstocks.

"Look at these Joey! Aren't they magical?" Joey shrugged and went back to playing Candy Crush on her iPad.

"Let's see here..." Utica looked at the price on the bottom of the overpriced, overrated sandal.

"Gee wiz! That sure is pricey." Utica checked her checking account balance on her peanut butter covered phone and gasped.

"We only have 79 cents left Joey! How are we gonna make money to buy these glorious shoes?!"

"OnlyFans?" Joey suggested.

"Hm, that's not Christian and sexual acts are a sin so I don't think so."

"Oh! We could work at a hair salon or nail salon?" Utica's eyes lit up.

"Yes, yes! Let's work at both!" The pair ran out of the mall and went to Super Cuts after getting a pretzel from Wetzel Pretzel and chatting with Brooke the Canadian bacon lady. The two jumped in the trusty old Pinto and sped off. Utica and Joey burst into Super Cuts and walked straight to Gottmik (the manager).

"Hi, can we be hired here?" Gottmik looked at the totally not hot messes and pressed his lips together.

"Why should I hire you?" Utica whipped out a pair of scissor and started cutting her own hair. Gottmik nodded, pleased with her fantastic work.

"Alright, well we have two new clients coming in get to work." Utica and Joey saluted the drag super star and they marched to the chairs.

"Oh hey Aquaria, what's poppin?" Utica giggled after she said that. She was so cool using that lingo!

"Me and Cracker here are going on a date to Long John Silver's in a few hours so we need to look our best." Utica somberly nodded.

"Foshizzle!" Utica giggled again. She was so witty and clever! Miz Cracker was there too and Joey got to work on her hair. Meanwhile, Utica mixed some bleach and toner and put it on Aquaria's jet black hair then put her under the dryer. 

"Joey, if we do a good job we can earn a bunch of money I bet!" Utica giddily said as she washed out Aquaria's hair and went back to the chair. She started snipping away until Aquaria's hair was up to her shoulders and then she flat ironed it.

"Alright, you lovely ladies are all done!" Utica and Joey spun them around and they both gasped in unison. It sounded kinda creepy ngl.

"We look AMAZING!" Aquaria and Cracker handed them both $25.

"Off to the nail salon, see y'all laterz!" Aquaria and Cracker hopped in their 1908 Model T and chugged along to the nail salon. Utica shoved the money in her pockets that were also filled with stale tater tots and grabbed Joey's shoulders.

"Joey! If we're gonna make enough to buy those Birkies, we gotta catch up to Craquaria and get that chicken with blue cheese!" Utica heard that saying in a song. Joey nodded.

"Right. Let's fuckin GO." The pair flew into the Pinto and easily caught up to Aqua and Miz since the Model T could only like 5 miles an hour. 

"Oh hey lads! Where are you going?" Cracker asked.

"To the nail salon! Which one are you going to?"

"We're going to Trixie's Beauty Parlor, it's right down the road!" Utica nodded and put the pedal to the metal and flew across a cliff GTA style and parked perfectly in front of TBP. They rushed inside and went to Trixie.

"Trixie, will you hire us?" Trixie looked at the pair up and down before shrugging.

"Fuck it, why not. Katya's out and we need extra help. We have two clients booked a minute from now so get set up." Utica and Joey went to their stations and Craquaria came in. They sat down and asked for matching NEON PINK acrylic nails! It was a sign! Utica put on the fake nail and used the drummel before putting on gel then druemmling again then put on the polish and let it sit under the purple light thing.

"Wonderful, thank you guys!" The pair handed Utica and Joey $25. Score!

"Alright double J, we have enough. Off to the outlets!" Utica put on her cape and ran to the Pinto. They waddled in and drove a million miles an hour to the mall. Once they got there, Utica asked the shoe lady for her size.

"Coming right up, eh." Hey, it was Hytes the Canadian! Brooke gave Utica her Birkenstocks and they fit like a dream.

"Perfect, I'll take them!"

"Okay, eh." Brooke walked away and Utica and Joey walked to the cashier.

"Vanie? I thought you worked at the As Seen On TV store." Utica said and Vanjie shrugged.

"What the fuck bout it. Bitch gotta make rent." Utica shrugged too and Vanjie rang them up.

"Enjoy or whateva." Utica and Joey drove home and when she put on her pair of new Birks she screamed! She was so happy. Finally, after waiting for 3 whole hours, she got the shoes of her dreams.


End file.
